Doctor, what now?
by Jez Redfern the Huntress
Summary: A collection of short between the episodes Doctor Who oneshots, featuring the Eleventh Doctor, Amy Pond, Rory Williams and some of our other favorite characters. Follow the TARDIS gang and discover what everyday life is like on the TARDIS, and watch them face some of their toughest challenges yet. Fez eating dinosaurs, the Doctor's singing, and deadly banana peels- BEWARE!
1. The Worst Challenge Yet

"Dooctor?" Amy drew out the word, her eyes wide. She raced into the TARDIS console room, having heard a sinister and extremely loud noise emanating from it. Naturally, she assumed the Doctor had gotten himself into trouble as usual and had raced to sort him out, like always.

Amy was used to seeing odd things by now- she'd witnessed the past, the future, aliens, villains, spaceships, different planets- but what she saw startled her. And it took quite a lot to startle Amelia Jessica Pond.

The Doctor was dancing around the TARDIS console, grinning like an idiot, to blaring Lady Gaga music.  
Amy quickly realized the horrible, eardrum splitting noise that had drawn her there was- god forbid- the Doctor's singing. It was completely terrible, and as the Doctor burst into the chorus of "Bad Romance", Amy hunched over, her eyes screwed shut and her fingers in her ears. Relieved by the absence of the awful racket, Amy opened her eyes hesitantly, and wished she hadn't. The Doctor was jumping up and down like a maniac to the beat, his lips moving soundlessly. Amy braced herself and pulled her fingers out of her ears. "Doctor?" She asked, but her voice was lost in the noise. "DOCTOR!" Shouted Amy, loudly as she could, and the Doctor froze and the music faded. He immediately busied himself with levers and switched. "Oh, hello, Amelia. I was just, er, testing, the TARDIS." He said nervously, straightening his bow tie.

Amy crossed her arms. "Testing the TARDIS," she repeated dubiously. The Doctor smiled weakly and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Was just checking the sound capabilities of the..." He trailed off and Amy rolled her eyes.

"I saw you singing and dancing." She said, slowly, carefully. "And it was painful. So don't let me experience it again." She paused. "Ever."

"What was painful? Amy?" A voice, unmistakably Rory's, rang out, and the Doctor and Amy turned to see him walk down the stairs to join them.

"You don't want to know." Amy told him severely. "It was more terrifying than every monster we've faced put together." With that, she wheeled around and sat down on the chair beside the console. Rory looked slightly confused, but knew better than to ask.  
The Doctor broke the silence by clapping his hands. "Okay! Where to now? I know an amazing karaoke bar on Earth..."

"Doctor!"

"Only kidding, Pond." He tapped his nose, and then a grin broke across his face. "What about Ancient Egypt?" He asked excitedly.

"Will we meet mummies?" Rory asked timidly, raising a hand as if he was in school.  
"Rory Williams! Don't be ridiculous!" The Doctor chided, and Rory looked slightly embarrassed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Of course we'll meet mummies!" Amy laughed giddily at this. "I vote for Egypt and mummies!"  
"Well, I don't." Rory protested. "Let's think about this rationally-"  
"Rationally? What planet are you from, Rory?" The Doctor hit a switch and the TARDIS shook. "Ancient Egypt it is!" He shouted, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. "GERONIMO!"

Amy and Rory hung on tightly to bits of wall and console, ready for their next bit of adventure.

* * *

**I do not own Doctor Who! Aww! :( Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Just for a bit of background information on the story, this was  
****set between _Amy's Choice _and _The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, _in Series Five of Doctor Who. So please review, favorite, follow! More fun oneshots featuring our favorite time lord and his friends coming soon! ~Jez**


	2. All Rory's Fault

"No, no, no, no, no! POND!" The Doctor called, straightening up and bonking his head on a bit of pipe sticking out of the bottom bit of the TARDIS. "What?" Amy asked, walking quickly down to the Doctor.

"Fetch me my fez." The Doctor pronounced grandly, and Amy frowned. "You don't have one. River blew it up, way back. Thank god for that." She added, and the Doctor glared at her. "Then find me one! In the hatstore! How am I supposed to take repairing the TARDIS seriously with no fez on my head?" Asked the Doctor, bemused. Amy furrowed her brow. "There's a hatstore on the TARDIS?" She questioned.

"Last time I checked. Wait! Never mind! It got eaten."  
"By what?" Amy asked, confused. "By a hat eating dinosaur. Ooh, she was naughty. I gave her time out. I specifically told her not to eat the hat store! Told her to eat Rory instead!"

"OI!" Amy interrupted fiercely. "I-"

"What? She had a fondness for humans with long nose-" his sentence morphed into a severe coughing for as Amy shot him a look that would melt ice. He snickered a couple times (they magically turned into coughs too) and then turned back to his work. "What was I saying? Oh yes: Amy, fetch me a packet of Jammie dodgers, now!" He said airily.

"What? But you said-"

"Let's not forget, Pond, the reason I'm repairing this TARDIS is because of your husband!" The Doctor waved his wrench around, successfully nearly hitting Amy in the face with it.

Amy ducked away from the tool. "How was it Rory's fault?" She challenged and the Doctor sat upright, bumping his head yet again.

"Well, it's a long story. Well, long compared to some short stories. Well, technically very short compared to some incredibly long stories. Well-"

"Doctor! Just get on with it!"

"Yes, right. We were floating peacefully in space when your husband came to ask me a question."

* * *

The Doctor slammed down hard on a pedal, and then pressed a few buttons. He was planning on taking the Ponds to a fish and chips shop.

He thought this incredibly boring- but having promised them a break, he felt inclined to make good on the promise. Besides, no one had said it had to be an ordinary, Earth fish and chips shop, did they? So he'd take them to one on the beautiful planet of Aolsön, and they could go sightseeing after.

Of course, they'd have to be careful- the Doctor had gotten himself exiled from the planet not long ago (He was still miffed about the whole thing.) All he'd done was cooked for the Queen- well, being perfectly honest; he wasn't the greatest cook- and accidentally setting her palace on fire. He was convinced the whole thing was the stoves fault, not his, but the irate Queen simply hadn't listened. She had attempted to execute him, but when he had escaped she had banished him in absentia.

He'd figured this out the hard way when he'd returned to profusely apologize and offer her fish custard. At the time, Rory and Amy had still been on their fourth honeymoon (the only one that didn't go wrong). When they'd returned, Amy had laughed at him; as was expected. She was Scottish, next time she could do the cooking and fry something!

The Doctor actually concentrated on the dates, oddly. He didn't want to end up beheaded because he turned up a day after he was exiled. Triumphantly, he flicked a large red lever and stepped back.

"This time I will get it right!" He grinned proudly.

"No offense or anything, but last time you said that, we ended up in an exotic jungle being chased by rabid monkeys." Rory said offhandedly, having been standing there watching for a while.

The Doctor waved a dismissive hand. "That was different."

"Different how?" Rory queried. The Doctor thought for a minute, and then frowned. "Oh, shut up!"

Rory's lips quirked slightly. "I actually want a normal meal with my wife today. So, please no problems or worlds that need saving or fish vampires, please."

"That's boring!" The Doctor stuck his bottom lip out, sulking like a five year old. Rory gave him a warning glance. "I mean it."

"Fine, have it your way, your BORING way." The Doctor grumbled and Rory smiled, triumphant.

The Doctor climbed down the steps that led to the bottom part of the TARDIS. Rory followed skeptically. "Are you working on the TARDIS?"

"No, Rory, yes, Rory, of course, Rory!" The Doctor rambled, and Rory, already bored senseless, began to head away, possibly to find Amy. The Doctor called him back. "Hold this, will you? Don't drop it. No matter what. We don't want something to happen like last time." He gave him a dark look.

"We agreed that was partially Amy's skirt's fault." Rory protested and the Doctor gave him another look.

"Okay, okay, not dropping." He muttered, putting his hands in the air as if surrendering.

The Doctor reluctantly turned his back on Rory to pull a wire. The TARDIS lurched sideways and the Doctor nearly fell. He grabbed Rory to steady himself, and Rory lost his balance.

He let go of the tool the Doctor had given him, and it fell into the TARDIS's motery.

* * *

"... So that's why it's all Rory's fault." The Doctor finished.

"Doctor- it sounds to me like it's your fault. You did knock him over." Amy replied, smirking.

"My fau- what? It's not my fault. Not at all. Not in the slightest. It's the Roman's fault. Completely. I told him not to drop it, no matter what!" The Doctor insisted, sitting up again to glare at Amy.

She looked at him, amused. "Let's compromise, then. Half your fault, half Rory's fault." She spoke in a patronizing tone of voice, and the Doctor shook his head defiantly. "No compromising. All his fault."

"Okay, last deal. Mostly Rory's fault, partially your fault. Take it or leave it." She offered generously.

A thoughtful look crossed the Doctor's face as he surveyed Amy. "And if I leave it?"

Amy's eyes narrowed. "The TARDIS won't be the only thing that needs fixing." She threatened.

The Doctor held up his hands defensively. "Okay, okay, deal accepted. Mostly Rory's fault, partially mine. But," he stressed the word, "don't think I accepted it because of your threat. I'll have you know I'm a black belt at Kung Fu." he fumbled for a few seconds with his jacket pocket, and then whipped out the physic paper, turning it to face Amy. Amy bit her lip and laughter clouded her face.

"What?" The Doctor asked, disgruntled. He peered at the paper. "Oh. It says I have a black belt in... Gibberish?" he squinted at the paper. Amy snickered and he added, "Which is a registered and official language on some planets."

"Really," Amy spoke sarcastically. "I'd like to see that."

"You will, Pond, once I get the TARDIS, which your husband has ruined, up and running again."

"Partially your fault." Amy reminded him, and he grumbled something unintelligible and turned away from her to continue working on his ship.

"What was that?" Amy asked, putting her hand to her ear as if she'd gone quite deaf. The Doctor frowned. "I said, 90% Rory's fault, 10% mine!"

"Oh, you overgrown two year old." Amy scolded, exasperated.

Rory entered the main room of the TARDIS, walking down the stairs to the bottom of it where Amy and the Doctor were. "Do my ears burn?" He asked stoically, having obviously caught snatches of their conversation. Amy sighed.

"The Doctor reckons it's your fault the TARDIS is broken down."

Rory spluttered for a moment, then found his tongue. "It is not my fault!" He protested.

Amy planted a kiss on his cheek before moving to head up the stairs. "Don't worry, I sorted it out. Not to mention I discovered Gibberish is an official language on some planets, right Doctor?" She laughed and took Rory's hand, beginning to lead him away.

He forgot about the banana peel clutched in his hand and loosened his fingers. The banana peel spun through the air, seemingly in slow motion. "NO!" The Doctor yelped, lunging for it. He might well have caught it, had he not bumped his head AGAIN. He clutched his head and Amy and Rory could only watch as the peel dropped into the TARDIS engine. They waited with bated breath.

The TARDIS emitted a sort of groan, as if it was sick, and all the lights flickered off. "No! No!" The Doctor threw his wrench down dramatically, and it hit his foot. "Ow! OW!"  
When he was done nursing his injuries, he glared at the Ponds. "That was most definitely Rory's fault. No arguments, Pond."

Amy inclined her head slightly and shrugged at Rory guiltily. "Agreed. 100% Rory."

* * *

**I don't own Doctor who, though I plan to become head-writer some day! This chapter was set somewhere in between _A Christmas Carol_ and The _Impossible Astronaut._ Hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Rubber Rats and Antlers

"This place is amazing, Amy-" The Doctor paused to gesture with his hands. "Giant, beautiful skyscrapers that are actually made of ice! Can you imagine that? Ice!" He beamed, and Amy had to laugh at his enthusiasm.

"So, that's where we're going, yeah?" She asked brightly.

"And the mountains change color due to the weather! I mean, literally change color when it's hot and cold! And waterfalls, giant ones, pouring red-hot lava-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. The place is pretty. When will you stop rambling and actually take me there?" Amy asked impatiently.

The Doctor stopped briefly to give her an offended look, then resumed his seemingly endless chatter. "The food's amazing- well, that toffee the purple lady gave me turned me briefly into a goat- but still good!"

"Doctor!" Amy yelled. "If you don't shut up, and now, I'll fly the TARDIS myself. And who knows where we'll end up then?" She threatened, and the Doctor frowned at her. "Someone's a little touchy today, Pond."

"You would be 'touchy' too, if a certain someone promised me a party, and when I got dressed up we ended up in some weird intergalactic market, where everyone laughed at me." Amy replied, crossing her arms.  
"Accidents happen, Pond!" The Doctor protested. "And besides, I bought you an alien scarf to say sorry."  
"An alien scarf that made me grow antlers!" Amy flung a response back at him, and the Doctor smiled. "I think they suited you-"  
Amy whacked him with the shoe she held in her hand.

"Ow! Okay! Pond doesn't like antlers, or, or, tentacles, or anything of the sort." The Doctor said quickly. "Shoot, there goes your Christmas present." He muttered to himself, and Amy's eyes bugged out.

"What-exactly-did you- buy me." She almost choked, and the Doctor waved it off. "No worries, it's returnable. Actually, it isn't. Actually, I might have borrowed it briefly."

"You STOLE it?" Amy cried, and the Doctor sniffed. "I would never do such a thing. Candice lent it to me. Said she needed it back, what, seventeen thousand years ago? Time does go fast when you have a time machine." The Doctor said, and Amy stared at him. "But what did you- never mind. I don't even want to know." She became resigned, and the Doctor tapped her on the nose. "Good Pond."

"Good Pond? I'm not a dog." Amy said slowly, precisely, and the Doctor looked nervously at the shoe she was holding.  
"Agreed, not like a dog at all. More like a duck."

"A DUCK?" Amy screeched, and the Doctor attempted to backtrack. "You know, Pond, ducks, duck pond, no? No, no, 'course not, no ducks."

Amy growled, and the Doctor opened his mouth to tell her now she sounded like a dog, but thought better of it. He began to fiddle with the controls. "Let's go to the planet we were talking about before this conversation got out of hand." He said, and Amy nodded appreciatively. "I could do with some sightseeing and relaxing."

"Relaxing, bah. Why would you want to relax?"

"I don't know. I just feel really sad sometimes- it comes on, like a wave of grief... Am I crazy?"

The Doctor clapped her on the back. "You most certainly are, Amelia Pond!" He declared.

"I must be crazy to travel with you." Amy commented wryly, and as the Doctor piloted the TARDIS, he kept his face turned away from Amy's line of sight. She'd notice the sadness in his eyes, ask about what she'd forgotten. What she wouldn't remember.

As the TARDIS settled, the Doctor gave the usual "Come along, Pond!" And opened the door.

He yelled as he began to tumble down, out of the TARDIS. Amy gave a startled shriek and leapt forwards to grab his arm and haul him back inside.

The Doctor gave a sheepish grin and straightened his bow tie. "Not exactly where I wanted to end up..."

"Doctor, where are we?" Amy rolled her eyes.

The Doctor smiled weakly. "Ah- the sewers of London, 1995. Do you like rats, Pond?" He held one out to her.

Amy screamed at the top of her lungs and tripped and fell in her haste to escape the room. She rushed away, deeper into the TARDIS, and the Doctor laughed to himself as he pocketed the rubber rat.

* * *

**This one's set between _Cold Blood _and _The Pandorica opens_ when Amy has forgotten Rory. I'd say there's about three or four new chapters left for this story- I've got a couple of ideas for cute little oneshots, some with the trio, some with just Amy and the Doctor. If I get to, say, six reviews, maybe as a bonus I'll add a Doctor and Donna scene, or a Doctor and Rose scene, or even a Doctor and Martha scene. Please review? It would mean the worlds to me! Thanks! Bye! Peace!**


	4. Can I pay you in Jelly Beans?

"Uh, Ponds, we may have a slight problem!" The Doctor said, and Amy exchanged a glance with Rory before turning to the Doctor and raising an eyebrow. "What kind of problem?" She asked.

"I may have accidentally fed your pet gerbil growth serum!"

Amy blinked. "We have a pet gerbil?" She asked, confused, looking at Rory. Rory shrugged.

"No, yes, sort of. I might have bought you one. But that doesn't matter right now! Stop changing the subject!" The Doctor rattled off, and Rory's bemused face made Amy laugh. The Doctor looked extremely indignant. "This is not a laughing matter, Pond! He ate my Stetson!"

"Well thank god for that." Amy said, smirking. "You looked ridiculous. Now if we could just get it to eat your bow tie..."

The Doctor bristled and covered his bow tie protectively with both of his hands as Amy advanced. "Run, Jim! I'll cover you!" He whispered urgently.

Amy stopped and stared, speechless.

It was Rory that finally spoke. "You named your bow tie Jim?" He asked, his tone questioning the Doctor's sanity and the Doctor's eyes lit up. "Of course not Mr. Pond, don't be absurd. He was already named Jim when I bought him." He scoffed.

"He was... What?" Amy paused.

"Well, it's a long story involving a fire-breathing sales person, three Ood and a very lonely bow tie named Jim. He was-"

A large, ear piercing squeak cut him off and the Doctor grinned slowly. "Let's deal with the giant gerbil first!" He declared, and Rory nodded.

"That's probably a good idea." He said sensibly.

Three hours later, the Doctor, Amy and Rory slumped wearily against the console. The Doctor's grin was as cheerful as ever, and while Rory had his eyes shut tightly, Amy was giving the Doctor an icy glare. The Doctor shot her a look of innocence and straightened Jim. "What's wrong, Pond?" He asked. Amy's glare grew more intense and furious. She gestured to herself and Rory.

Both of them were covered from head to toe in spit-covered lettuce, pieces of carrot and chunks of vomit-ridden vegetables. Amy had a turnip hanging from her long red hair, and she picked it off in disgust.

"You fed it a chemical that made it throw up on us!" She accused furiously. The Doctor's grin widened for a fraction of a second, then faded quickly as Amy gave him another scorching look.

"I'm sorry, Pond, but it was the only way for it to bring up the growth serum and become small again." The Doctor explained, backing away all the while. Amy's eyes narrowed. "Why didn't you tell us to move out of the way?" The Doctor shrugged. "Wasn't enough time for me to get out of the way myself and warn you. Jim's allergic to vegetables."

"Why you-" Amy threatened, leaping forwards, but the Doctor was too fast for her. He darted out of the way, clapping his hands together in glee. "Pond's slow today!" He laughed like a child being presented with a new toy, and opened his mouth again. "Looks like…"A sharp rapping on the door cut him short; Rory's eyes snapped open. "Where's the TARDIS parked?" He asked stupidly, and the Doctor moved towards the door slowly."When I was running from the gerbil, I quickly parked us somewhere on Earth. I wasn't paying attention to coordinates, not really- just plopped us down somewhere on the planet." The Doctor said rolled her eyes. "Like you ever pay attention when flying the TARDIS." The Doctor's mouth pulled down in a frown, and creases formed on his forehead. "Shut it, Pond." He muttered as she walked over to join him just in front of the door.

Rory ambled over to them, wiping broccoli off of his pants, and he halted, staring warily up at the door. "So we could be anywhere on Earth, any time period, and that could be anyone at the door." He repeated, quietly.

Amy and the Doctor shared a huge smile and an excited glance. "Exactly, Rory!" They spoke in unison, voices full of excitement. Amy hung back as the Doctor opened the doors grandly, and immediately his shoulders drooped. "London, England." He sniffed the air. "2014." He said confidently. Amy leaned over to peer outside and shared his disappointment immediately. The sky was a pale, tentative blue and thickly layered with dark gray clouds. It was raining just slightly, and the asphalt of the parking lot was slicked black with rain, the yellow lines that made up the parking spaces faded and barely visible. "Boring." She murmured. "But who knocked at the door?" Rory asked, his voice muffled. Amy remembered and switched her eyes to the portly man in front of her. His stern face was set tightly and Amy noted his impatiently tapping foot.

"Can we help you?" She asked politely, and he huffed and gestured to the sign right in front of her nose. It was tall, white, and it read "Disabled Parking Spot."

Amy tried very hard not to laugh. "Of all the places you could've landed, you've landed us in a disabled parking spot!" She called to the Doctor, who was back inside the TARDIS.

His face popped out of the door and he addressed the parking-ticket man. "Sorry, old chap!" he said heartily, and Amy closed her eyes in brief embarrassing. "Could you just let us off?"

"'Fraid not." Tutted the man. "I'll have to fine you, _old_ chap."

The Doctor smiled brightly. "I'll go get my wallet. Sorry, can I pay you in jelly-beans? They are special ones- bought them off a three headed chap! Very nice! Rather plump around the stomach, if you know what I mean. What's that saying? Too many jellybeans bring the Doctor? I'm the Doctor. Nice to meet you! What was I saying? Yes. Of course." He babbled.

"We'll have to step in before he gets himself sent to a mental hospital." Rory said to Amy.

Amy smirked. "Or not."

* * *

**This one's set loosely between _Day Of The Moon _and _The Rebel Flesh. _Amy and Rory are already married. And just like Amy, I wonder what the Doctor'd do in a mental hospital? Anyways, I have a nice long chapter coming about Christmas on board the TARDIS- should that be next? Or, I could first post a short one describing how the Doctor came by Jim. Please leave a review and tell me! Thanks! Bye!  
~Jez**


	5. The Doctor? Sane?

The doorbell rang, and Amy nearly dropped her fork. "Door!" She called, and Rory's head popped out from under the stove, where he was trying to retrieve a long lost belonging. "Would you be so kind to get it? I'm kind of busy."

Amy sighed. "So am I!" She said, gesturing to her plate of eggs, but she got up and went over to the front door and pulled it open.

The Doctor stood there, grinning ear to ear, and holding a-

"Doctor is that a KANGAROO?" Amy's first comment came tumbling out of her mouth and the Doctor grinned again. "G'day, mate!"

"Don't tell me." Amy said, rolling her eyes and opening the door wider to let him come in. The Doctor sauntered in and sniffed the air. "I smell eggs!" He announced, making a beeline for the kitchen. "No! Doctor! That's mine-" Amy cried desperately, racing after him. But it was too late. The Doctor had already scarfed down the full plate of eggs, and Amy stared mournfully at what had once been her breakfast.

"Mmm, just what I needed." The Doctor said proudly, patting his stomach. "A hearty meal!" He sat down in Amy's chair. "Sit down, why don't you." Muttered Amy, but she let the corners of her mouth twitch upwards. "So, what were you doing in Australia?"

"Long story involving a charming man named Bill. I think he had a bit of a thing for me..."

"You think everyone does." Rory quipped, and the Doctor frowned at him before continuing. "But all in all, I saved the day, dropped old Einstein off, and bought you Ponds a kangaroo for Christmas!"

"You can't just buy a kangaroo." Amy blinked.

The Doctor was miffed. "Details, details! Where's the thank you, Doctor?"

"And Christmas was two months ago." Amy continued, completely unfazed by the kangaroo hopping around her knees.

"So, I overshot a bit. Happens all the time."

"Yes, it does." Amy replied dryly. "And we're not keeping the kangaroo. Forget it."

"Fine, be like that." The Doctor huffed and then his face lit up again as Rory surfaced from under the stove. "It's the roman husband!"

Rory hugged the Doctor rather unenthusiastically.

"So, why are you here?" he asked.

"Why am I here? Can't I just drop by and see my favorite Ponds for a cuppa and a chat?"

"No." Amy and Rory said together, and the Doctor smiled. "Well, Ponds, thought you might want to come and see this. It's a space concert-"

There was a loud bump from upstairs.

"Ah, Ponds, you didn't tell me you had a tenant!" The Doctor tutted and looked at the Ponds knowingly, as they glanced at each other. "We don't." Amy began, and the Doctor leapt too his feet eagerly. "Then there's something upstairs. Want to go see?"

"Doctor-" Amy tried again, but the Doctor was already dashing up the stairs. "What do you Ponds think it is? Ood? Graske? I ran into a graske the other day. Tried to steal my turnips! I told him!" He called, and Amy rolled her eyes and shrugged helplessly at Rory before chasing after after her Raggedy Man.

"Doctor, it's not what you thin~ is that a turnip you're holding?!" She asked in bewilderment, jumping up the last step and gesturing to the vegetable he clutched. The Doctor nodded. "Gotten me out of a few tight spots, this turnip has. He's an old friend."

"Oh, not this again." Amy groaned, hitting her head against the wall. The Doctor pouted. "What?"

"Talking like inanimate objects are alive."

"You never know when they are." He replied wisely, the moment spoiled by him tripping on absolutely nothing. He righted himself and straightened his bow tie in an attempt to cover his mistake. When Amy raised an eyebrow at him, he ambled into her and Rory's bedroom, with a mumbled "The noise is coming from here."

Amy laughed, remembering how much she'd missed this odd man with the distant eyes and eccentric behavior. She followed him into the room and nearly smashed into him, for he'd frozen dead.

"Shh." He warned, finger to his lips. "It's in here. I saw it." He carefully lowered to his hands and knees.

Amy bit her lip to keep from smiling and followed his lead. When she spotted a flash of movement, the Doctor was on it instantly, yelling "STAY PUT, YOU! I'VE GOT YOU NOW!"

There was a yowl of alarm and then hissing and spitting. The Doctor yelped as the creature's claws raked deep scratches into his arm, "Amy, stay back, I don't want you to get hurt. It's ferocious." He gasped.

"It's a cat." Amy said mildly.

"Of course it's a- what? A cat?" The Doctor stopped tussling and sat up, letting the plump ginger cat get to it's feet and shake out it's fur with a disgruntled mroow.

"A cat. Our cat. Biggles."

"I knew that." The Doctor said quickly. "I was just checking."

"Of course you were 'checking.'" Amy agreed, humoring him and picking up Biggles protectively. "What's the nasty Doctor doing to you?" She crooned, and the Doctor pulled on his tweed jacket. "What kind of a name is Biggles, anyways?" He asked crossly, and Amy frowned. "Don't knock it! He's named after one of my favorite cats when I was a kid. Anyways, what would you call him?"

The Doctor paused to think, rubbing his chin. "Fluffy ." He decided. "Or Ginger."

"And you think my names are bad." Amy shook her head,

The Doctor reached for his turnip, which he had left on the ground whilst tussling with Biggles. But it was gone. A loud chewing noise caused Amy and the Doctor to turn and stare.

Biggles was seated comfortably on the bed, munching on the Doctor's turnip. His green eyes seemed to say "Ha! Thats what you get for attacking me!"

"TURNIP, NO!" The Doctor cried in anguish, lunging towards Biggles. Amy grabbed the back of his jacket. "Oh no. You're not attacking my cat again." She said firmly, and the Doctor struggled to get to his turnip. "But turnip.."

"It's too late for him now, Doctor." Any said seriously. "That's the end of turnip. Tell you what, we can even bury him in the backyard if it makes you feel better."

The Doctor sighed sadly and turned away, shooting a last glare at Biggles, who looked immensely satisfied. "I'm going to miss that turnip- the TARDIS will feel empty without it sitting on the console."

"I think you _are_ going mad. Me and Rory will come to that space concert with you. Try to douse you with sanity." Amy decided swiftly.

Rory, having walked over to join them, made a small noise in the back of his throat. "The Doctor? Sane? Like that's ever going to happen."

"It was worth a try." Amy shrugged as she walked into the TARDIS. With just a touch of hesitation, Rory followed.

* * *

**Hello! It's been a while! I did this one late at night- the image of a turnip just popped randomly into my head and I decided I simply must write a chapter about it. As Amy and Rory are living a semi-domestic life, (Emphasis on the _semi_), this chapter is set between _The Wedding Of River Song _and _Pond Life. _Pond Life is the mini DW series leading up to Asylum of the Daleks. If you haven't already, I very much recommend watching it! It's hilarious (Apart from the utterly heart wrenching last episode. *sob*.) I've decided not to write the chapter about Jim- I may write a mini series about the Doctor and Jim- and I have no ideas for new chapters! So I'm taking requests! Even the oddest ones! Bye! Review, favorite, follow! Au revoir! ~Jez **


	6. One Scary Ginger

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Amelia?"

"How long have we been up here? Because I feel like my head's going to explode." Amy squirmed slightly. The Doctor smiled and licked his lips. "Well, yeah. That's the blood rushing to your head. That's normal! Very normal!"

"How long, Doctor?" Snapped Amy. The Doctor tested his wrists. "I'd say three hours."

Amy groaned in frustration and closed her eyes. "This is terrible."

"Thanks for spelling that out, Pond." Replied the Doctor, "I really needed that."

"You're welcome." Amy replied graciously, and then sighed.

"Just so you know, this is all your fault."

"My fault?" The Doctor cried in outrage. "My dear Pond, you were the one who asked to see Owl City!"

"The band, Doctor, the band! I asked to go to a concert, not some alien city called Owl City in which we get taken by the local tribe and hung by our ankles. And then to have rotten fruit thrown at me." Amy looked aggravated.

"This is far better than some boring concert where humans flail their arms around," The Doctor said indignantly, and Amy scoffed.

"What, like you did when we went to see a Beethoven concert the other day, hmm? I think that qualifies as flailing your arms around and getting us kicked out." Amy said, suppressing a smile as the Doctor twitched.

"That was not the same! It was classical, beautiful- and plus I knew Beethoven well."

"Yeah, he didn't seem to think that."

"Bit early in his timestream, I suppose." The Doctor conceded, and glanced at the ground.

"Oh, it's Rory!" He said, sounding delighted.

Amy's face lit up. "Really? Maybe he can let us down!"

She looked down, her mouth forming a "Rory!" when his name froze in her mouth. Standing beneath them, looking quite haughty, was a reddish-brown monkey.

"That is not Rory." Amy said slowly, trying not to lose her temper. The Doctor beamed. "Isn't it? Well, no, it's a monkey, but it's an easy mistake to make really-"

Amy's eyes flashed. "When we get down from here, I'm going to whack you with whatever I'm holding at the moment. You'd better hope it's not hard."

"Monkey!" Yelled the Doctor, not paying attention. The money sat up. "Yes, good boy, maybe it speaks English!" He said hopefully. "Can you help us?"

The monkey hesitated; then wandered over to where rotten apples and bananas lay on the grassy ground. It picked one up and flung it at them, letting out what seemed to be a screech of mirth. The brownish banana sailed past Amy, striking the Doctor in the jaw. Amy winced. "Bad monkey." She muttered, and the monkey, still screeching, ambled away.

"What a ridiculous monkey! Told me my bow tie was odd!" Sniffed the Doctor.

"It is." Amy said bluntly. "And don't tell me you speak monkey."

"Well..."

"No, you _don't_." Amy told him.

"Are all gingers as scary as you, Pond?" Asked the Doctor, interested. Amy said nothing.

The Doctor began to hum to break the silence, but Amy cut him off sharply. "No. Just no. Please, if you value my sanity, don't hum."

"I'll have you know my 'humming' inspired the song you know as Ode to Joy-" He began, and then fell silent. Amy recognized this as a bad sign. "Doctor..?"

He gestured weakly.

A roughly humanoid figure with blue skin was looking up at them, talking rapidly in a foreign language. He growled wildly and made a chopping motion with his hands, before continued jabbering in high, stressed tones."What's he saying?" Amy asked the Doctor, eying the figure warily.

"I'm not sure," replied the Doctor, "But I _think he's_ saying he's going to cook us."

"Rory needs to get here soon." Groaned Amy.

A smile spread across the Doctor's face and he opened his mouth.

_"No_ monkey jokes." Amy said severely, and he frowned. "No fun."

"I'll hit you even harder." Amy threatened.

"You are one scary ginger."

* * *

**Chapter 6! I added Owl City because, currently, it's my favorite band. Please review, favorite, follow, ect. A new Doctor Who ep is on tonight! Will you be watching? I will! Time for the TARDIS to hit the wild west, yee haw!**


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